Pointless Flood of Roses
by Xx.Triple A.xX
Summary: One grumpy goth girl. One manga loving tomboy. One gallant Sir Percy, one rather good looking Armand, and one crazed Chauvelin who’s out for revenge. Can the two girls stop him before it’s too late? Stick around and we’ll tell you.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 – Harry Potter, a Horse, and Distant Relations**

"…That's _my_ opinion, anyway. How do you feel about it?" A pause. "Kira? KIRA!"

I looked up from my book. "Huh? Were you talking to me? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening…"

Leah, my rather temperamental friend, growled and snatched my book, flinging it across the room. I leapt after it, emitting a pained cry.

"My precious manga!" Snatching it up, I hugged it close. "How _could_ you?! This is brand-new!"

"What, Volume 4 of _Ouran__ High School Host Club_? Come on. It can't be brand-new. You've read it at least three times during your stay here."

"Actually, I just got it yesterday. The only reason I've read it three times already is because I love _Ouran__ Host Club_, and because I love their _Alice in Wonderland_ spoof in this volume."

"That's two reasons."

I waved a dismissive hand in the air. "Don't be nitpicky, Leah, my dear girl."

Her temper flared. "Don't call me that!!"

I looked at her curiously. "Why not?"

"Because!! I'm not your dear girl!!"

I shrugged. "If you say so…hunnybumpkinsnookums."

"KIRA!!!!!!!!"

"Fine! Fine! Relax! You're so _excitable_!" I tucked my manga in my messenger bag and pushed my glasses further up on my nose. "So, what do you want to do?"

"Well, since you're obviously not going to talk to me regarding the newest Harry Potter book…" She trailed off. I took that as my cue to retaliate.

"Look, I don't _want_ to talk about Harry Potter. I don't even _read_ Harry Potter."

"WHAT?!" she screeched. "Have you even TRIED reading one of the books?!"

"Yeah, I tried reading one of them," I said, thinking back. "The first one. I got about halfway through, put it down, haven't picked it up since."

"WHY?!?!?"

"Mmm…it just didn't spark my interest. Really." I regarded my friend curiously; her short, spiky black hair was practically standing on end (probably because it was spiked, heh) and her hazel eyes were blazing with rage. "Why are you so angry? Really, you need to relax. Take deep breaths, let the karma flow." I demonstrated by closing my eyes and beginning a soothing mantra. "Ooommmmmmm…ommmmmmmm…ooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…OW!"

My eyes flew open, and I rubbed my cheek where Leah had struck me. "What the heck was that for?"

Eyes still blazing, she shoved the first book in the Harry Potter series in my face. "READ IT," she said in her voice of doom. I was unperturbed.

"I don't want to."

"Read…it…." Her left eye was twitching spasmodically. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Shan't. Won't. It's not happening. Besides, Harry Potter is stupid."

I didn't see the hardcover book descending upon my head until it was too late. _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ caught me squarely on the side of my forehead, and I went out like a light.

OoOoOoOoO

"Ohmigosh! Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh! KIRA! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!?! SPEAK TO ME!!!"

My eyes slowly fluttered open, and I groaned. "Stop screaming at me before I stuff a gag in yer mouth," I snarled. "You're making my headache worse. Am I in a hospital?"

"Noooooo!" Leah wailed. "You're not! Ohmigosh! Ohmigosh! I'm so SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO KNOCK YOU OUT!"

Rather than come up with a witty/sarcastic response to that, I reached forward, grabbed her by her black chain-link necklace, pulled her face close to mine, and said in a calm, collected voice,

"Leah. Stop screaming your head off and tell me what the heck happened before I throw you in the nearest convenient lake."

She got the hint, calmed down, and began speaking. "Well, it's like this. After I hit you on the head with the book, the room filled with this bright white light, and when it disappeared, we were sitting here in this park-thing. Well, actually, I was standing, and you were lying on the ground…" Her eyes filled with tears. "I'm soooo sorry!"

"No, you're not," I grunted, getting to my feet and looking around. Sure enough, we were in what appeared to be a park. And…what was that, lying on the ground nearby? "Oh! How convenient! My messenger bag was transported with us!"

Leah was about to respond when she inhaled sharply and stared past me. I looked at her.

"What?"

"Who…is…he?"

I blinked and turned around to see who she was talking about.

OoOoOoOoO

Armand, brother of Lady Marguerite Blakeney, member of the League of the Scarlet Pimpernel, and chick magnet extraordinaire, pulled his horse to a halt to regard the two oddly-dressed people in the park by the road. One was obviously female, despite her short, spiky black hair, black eyeliner, thick black eyelashes (mascara was used), and black lipstick. She was also wearing **(A/N: I will use 21****st****-century terminology here to make it easier to understand)** black-and-pink sneakers, black jeans, a black-and-pink checkered belt, and a form-fitting black T-shirt. A black chain-link necklace was around her throat, and three black studs adorned each of her earlobes. She was holding a book with an odd design on the cover and wailing something that sounded like an apology to the person on the ground. Armand couldn't be sure if the other person was a boy or a girl, but he thought it was a boy. He was wearing white sneakers, one of which was untied, dark blue jeans, and a dark brown hoodie with some sort of light blue design on the front. He had no makeup on, but two gold hoop earrings were in his left ear, and he was wearing glasses. His rather wild curly dark brown hair was pulled back in a braid, further controlled by two silver barrettes.

As he watched, this strange young man reached up and gripped the girl by her necklace, jerking her down so that her face was mere inches from his. He then whispered something that seemed to frighten her, because she straightened up, calmed down, and began talking in a calm, reasonable voice. Then she wailed again. The young man stood up, dusted himself off, and looked around. As he started towards a bag on the ground, the girl looked over and saw Armand. Her mouth fell slightly open, and she stared at him. He smiled. She looked like she might faint. The young man turned and looked at him as well.

Dismounting, he strode over to them with a friendly smile on his face. "Hello, strangers. What are you doing on this fine summer day?"

OoOoOoOoO

I took a firm grip on the shoulders of my boy-crazy friend. I was not about to allow her to glomp this handsome stranger. This _really_ handsome stranger. He was tall, slender, and slightly effeminate in appearance, with long-ish blond hair, sparkling blue eyes, and shiny white teeth. He was also dressed sharply, though his clothing was from a couple centuries ago, and his skin was flawless.

_A couple centuries ago…_ I wondered suddenly where that white light had come from, and exactly _where_ it had sent us.

"Who are you?" Leah blurted suddenly. He smiled a winning smile.

"Why, I am none other than Armand, the brother of Lady Marguerite Blakeney!"

I made a vaguely strangled noise and released Leah's shoulders quite suddenly, clutching at my throat. Leah looked at me.

"Are you okay?"

"Hac…k…ack…" I coughed. Then, leaping to my feet, I grabbed her and hissed in her ear: "_We've been transported to the universe of the Scarlet Pimpernel_!!!"

She stared at me for a moment. Then: "B…but…WHHHYYYYYY?!? Why not the Harry Potter universe?! WHY HERE?!?!?"

**(A/N: Because I control the story.**** And Harry Potter is no match for Sir Percy. MUA HA HA HA!)**

Armand stared at us. "Are you…is she quite alright?"

"No, she's a boy-crazy fangirl, which will never make her mentally alright," I growled (no offense to boy-crazy fangirls), then I whacked her upside the head. "Behave! Get yourself together! Snap out of it! AND QUIT CRYING ON ME!"

"But I can't help it," she whimpered, drying her eyes on my hoodie (which was too big for me). "Why not…Harry Potter…?"

"I told you already!! Now stop crying!" She didn't. "Are you two or three?"

She looked up at me with tearful eyes. "I'm four and a half…"

"Really! Kewl!" I gave her the V for victory symbol with my fingers, experiencing a sudden change in attitude/mood swing. "Me too! Wanna play together?"

"Yeah!" Thus, taking each other's arms, we skipped off together while Armand stared after us like we were a pair of idiots. Then I saw his horse.

"NAAAAAAH!!! PRETTY HORSEY!"

"No! Sit! STAY!" Leah commanded me, but I ignored her, running over to the horse to pet its nose. It was a pretty black-and-white pinto, with blue eyes.

"Pretty horse…" I purred. Leah marched up to me and pulled me away.

"No. Bad girl. You cannot have the horse."

"But………….." I trailed off, trying to think of a reason _why_ she should let me have the horse. "LOOK! A flying rabbit! With a pocketwatch!" (That was totally random and had nothing to do with anything, so don't trouble yourself trying to figure out why I said it.)

"You left your bag on the ground over there."

"MY BAG!" Forgetting about the horse, I ran over and grabbed the bag. Then, whirling, I turned and pointed at Armand. "You! The dude whose name I already forgot! Take us to Sir Percy Blakeney!"

He glared at me, immediately suspicious. "Why?"

"Because, we're his long-lost second cousins twice removed on his mother's father's uncle's third-favorite cousin's butler's rich uncle's wife's brother's side." I glared back, challenging him to argue with THAT. Amazingly, he didn't. Instead, he jumped on his horse, said "Wait here!", and galloped off.

"Wait here," I grumbled. "Brilliant. He'll probably bring back the entire LEAGUE, and we'll be subjected to minute interrogation by the Pimpernel himself."

"What's going on?" asked my bewildered friend, whose world revolved around boys, food, Harry Potter, and her favorite movies. So, I took her aside and, after checking behind and up in trees for any French spies, began to explain to her in low tones the League of the Scarlet Pimpernel.

I had just finished when Armand came riding back. This time, though, he was accompanied by two smashingly handsome gentlemen and one lovely lady. I knew instinctively that the lady must be Marguerite, and the blond guy – the one who wasn't Armand – must be Sir Percy. He hopped down from his horse and approached me.

"Greetings, long-lost distant relative," he said. "I heard you asked for me?"

"Yes," I said, doing my best to imitate a sweeping bow. "Hail and greetings, oh-great-one-with-the-small-red-flower-as-your-mascot. I have traveled far and wide with my friend here in search of you. I wish to join your League, wear silly disguises, and battle crime in France and other such places!"

Sir Percy frowned. "And what makes you think that I am the Scarlet Pimpernel, young man?"

Ah! He thought I was a young man. Hey, I could deal with that. "I have my sources," I said dismissively. "So, can I join you? Please? Pretty pretty please?"

He raised one eyebrow. "Hmm…you are not from England, are you?"

"Ah, no. No, we're not. I'm from the middle of nowhere, and she's down the road and to the left." I grinned, as if that somewhat enigmatic statement (yay, I had managed to be enigmatic! GO ME!) explained it all. He looked at me like he thought I was slightly insane.

"Let's talk about this in a more private place…shall we?"

* * *

**A/N: **And there you have it. I'm in the universe of the Scarlet Pimpernel, who is like one of my biggest heroes EVER. Sadly, I think my friend is crushing on Armand. Oh, yeah, and I've been mistaken for a guy…and I'm armed with various items from the 21st century, plus two or three volumes of shōjo manga. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

**Leah:** Tell them about our stupid nicknames.

**A/N:** Hey! They're not stupid! Anyway, later on in the story, I give Leah and myself secret nicknames. Oh, yeah – and my cravat is magical! WHOO! (Waves cravat in air)

**Cravat:** _Poor, poor, pitiful me..._

**A/N:** Hey! WHERE did you hear Terri Clark songs?

**Cravat:** _That's for me to know, and you not to find out, silly teenager. __So there._

**A/N:** WAAAAAHHH! LEAH! MY MAGIC CRAVAT IS BEING MEEEEEEEEAN!

**Leah:** (Eye twitches) Oh, shut up and act your age already!

**A/N:** (Turns brightly to audience) Well, I hope you enjoyed! I'll be back soon with another installment in the ongoing saga of _Pointless Flood of Roses_!!

**Leah:** What a stupid title. Why couldn't you name it something like _Teenaged Girls in the 18__th__ Century_?

**A/N:** Because…I like the other one better. So, nyah. Now (addressing readers) please review! It'll make me happy!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – In Which I Acquire a Magical Talking Cravat Named Harrison  
**

**A/N:** I don't own _T__he Scarlet Pimpernel _or any of its characters. I may kidnap Sir Percy later on, though. Hmm. That's something that I shall have to think about...

* * *

In the end of it all, Sir Percy wouldn't let me join the League. This was mainly because of my age; he didn't wish to put a 14-year-old in unnecessary danger. However, he was going to permit Leah and me to stay with him, since we were (supposedly) distant relations of his. 

He and Lady Marguerite were also kind enough to provide both of us with clothes fitting for that century. While Leah was politely but firmly marched off to get put into a dress, I was seized and dragged off into a dark changing room to get forced into a ruffly, lacy, red-and-white excuse for a men's outfit.

After much screaming, kicking, snarling and biting, I managed to both protect the secret of my gender _and_ get away with wearing only part of the outfit – the one part that I actually _wanted_ to wear.

The cravat.

And that was when some REALLY weird stuff started to happen. For example, me hearing a slightly hesitant tenor voice inside my head.

_Testing, testing, 1-2-3, hello? Hello? Ooh, it echoes. __Slightly.__ Is that a bad thing? __ECHOecho__! HELLOhello __KIRAKira!_

I stopped walking down the hall, blinked several times, struck myself sharply in the head with the heel of my palm, and resumed walking.

_Well, that was interesting. It's not like it helped any, though._

I stopped again. This time I shook my head violently from side to side.

_AyyiiyiiYIIIyiyiyiyi__! Don't do that! Gosh! __Izzmakinmedizzy!_

I looked left, right, up, down, and dove into a dark and shadowy corner. "Who are you?" I whispered harshly. "And what are you doing inside my head??"

_Well, I'm not __inside__ your head, technically..._

"THEN WHERE ARE YOU?!?" So much for discretion.

_Speak to me nicely or I won't say anything_.

Great. The disembodied voice that was-but-wasn't in my head was being pouty.

"Alright…fine. Might I inquire in the kindest and most polite manner: if you are not in my head, then what is your location?"

_I'm around your neck!_ the disembodied voice said brightly, apparently completely oblivious to my sarcasm. _I'm Harrison the Magical Cravat!_

"Er…" was my intelligent and perceptive response.

_Well, say something,_ Harrison urged. _This is the part where you're supposed to say something like "No way!" or "I don't believe this, I must be going insane!"_

I frowned. "Well, I can take the whole magical-talking-cravat thing...but why _Harrison_? Why not something cool and catchy, like…Calvin? Calvin the Enchanted Cravat? Or Edward the Enchanted Cravat? Why Harrison?"

_Be-CAUSE.__ My great and mighty semi-omnipotent creator named me HARRISON. If you don't like it, I'll go be Leah's magic cravat._

"Um, no, no, stick around. Please," I added as an afterthought. "So…Harrison. What sort of magical powers do you possess?"

_Hmm.__ You've always wanted a laptop, correct?_

"Ye-e-e-es…what has that got to do with anything? Are you saying that you can give me a laptop in this century? That's ridiculous! It wouldn't even have Internet access!"

_I'm MAGICAL, remember? Now, quit being skeptical and flick me._

"…Huh?"

_Flick me!! You __know,__ the foppish sort of "cravat flick"?_

"Oh! I get to do that? Really?" I placed my fingers delicately beneath the ruffly item of fabric around my neck and flicked it up into the air. The next thing I knew, a white laptop was hovering in the air in front of me.

_Touch it,_ Harrison encouraged. _It won't bite._

"So you say," I retorted, but I reached out and tapped the SPACE key. Instantly, the laptop flared to life, opening onto a desktop with _Phantom of the Opera_ wallpaper.

"COOL! You can even judge my tastes?!"

_Yes,_ Harrison said smugly. _Yes, I can. Now, open the Start menu and get onto the Internet._

"I can do that?" I did as he told me. Sure enough, there was an icon for an Internet browser. "YAAAAAAAY! I LOVE YOU!"

_Well, thank you. I'm not sure I can return the sentiment at this early stage in our relationship._

"Not like that."

_Er__. Of course._

OoOoOoOoOoO

"LEAH! LEAH! LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHH!" I yelled, running through the hallways in search of my friend. Rounding the corner, I very nearly collided with Armand, who was coming in the opposite direction.

"Whoa! Dude!" I skidded to a halt and turned to face him. "Hey, have you seen Leah?"

"Ah…I believe she was in the music room with some of the other women."

"You guys have a music room?!?"

He regarded me with interest. "Yes. Sir Percy's mansion has several, as a matter of fact. I will take you to the one your friend is in, if you desire."

"Please do." So I followed Armand down the hall. I had put away the laptop in my messenger bag prior to searching for Leah, so I didn't need to worry about that.

The music room was very cool. Basically, it was a huge, airy room with lots of windows and one or two chandeliers and a giant grand piano. It also had some couches and chairs scattered about. Sitting in these were Lady Blakeney, her friends, and…

"Leah? Is that you?"

The girl with short black hair stiffened. I clapped my hands together.

"It IS you! But…what are you wearing?"

Slowly, she stood up and turned around. And stared at me.

"WHAAAAAT?!? How come YOU can get away with only wearing THAT while I have to wear THIS?!?" she shrieked. I ignored her.

"You're wearing…a dress," I said.

"Oh, how very _observant_ of you," she sneered. "Anything else you'd like to point out? Like the fact that they made me wash all the gel out of my hair so that it isn't spiky anymore?"

I paused, regarding her. She was wearing a somewhat ruffly pink-and-white dress, dainty shoes with heels, and a cheap but elegant crystal necklace. Her ear studs were gone, as was all of her makeup. In fact, she almost looked like…

"GYAAH!" I screamed, recoiling violently. "Who ARE you?? You look like some actress out of a period movie! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH LEAH?!?"

She stepped forward, and there was the sound of something hard hitting the smooth wood floor. The something hard would have been me, reacting to the blow she had delivered to my head.

"Ow…"

"Kira. You're acting like a complete and total idiot. Now either shut up or leave."

"But I don't want to shut up," I whimpered. "And I don't want to leave!"

"Choose one or the other."

"But LEEEEAH! I came in here to tell you about something of the most extreme importance!!"

"Really," she said, the single word loaded with sarcasm. "I never could've guessed."

"Yeah!" I said, excited once again. "You see my cravat?" I tugged at it. She eyed it suspiciously.

"What, the ruffly white scarf thing?"

"It's a CRAVAT," I growled. "Call it by its proper name!"

"Scarf thing, cravat, whatever. Get to the point."

"Okay! It'samagicalcravatandittalkedtomeinthehallanditsaysitsnameisHarrisonanditgavemealaptopbutIhadtoputitawaybecauseIdidn'twantArmand

toseeitand-" I stopped short, having run out of breath. Leah blinked.

"…_What_ did you just say?"

"Cravat," I gasped between gulps of air. "Magical. Talks. Harrison."

"Harrison? As in…Harrison Ford?"

"No…"

"Well, elaborate, Kira," she said, sounding mildly irritated. "You're not making sense."

"OF COURSE I'M NOT MAKING SENSE! I'M AN INSANE TEENAGER! THE WORD 'SENSE' IS NOT IN MY VOCABULARY!!!"

"Don't yell at me. You're insane. I know that. And now, for review: cravats don't talk, they're not magical, and above all, they don't have names." She turned away from me. "Good day."

I paused a moment before pointing at her. "You're Bunny-bun!"

Utter silence. Then: "I beg your pardon?"

"It's your new nickname," I announced calmly. "I shall now address you as Bunny-bun for the rest of our stay here."

"How about if I call you -"

"Paisley Hare! Call me Paisley Hare." I grinned brightly at her. "I know! I'm not making any sense whatsoever and it's bothering you no end, isn't it?"

"Yes. Yes, it is. You're acting weirder here than you ever did...back where we come from."

_I think we should go now_, Harrison said urgently. _The ladies are looking at you really weird…and they do have insane asylums in this day and age, you know…_

"Hmm…good point."

"What's a good point?" Leah demanded.

"Nothing, nothing…just something Harrison said. Well, we'll be going now. Bye!" And I turned and sprinted out the door past the stunned-looking Armand with Leah screaming after me:

"You TALK to your CRAVAT now?!? GET THE GIRL OUT OF THIS CENTURY BEFORE SHE GOES COMPLETELY MAD!!!!"

I poked my head back in the door. "La, but I already am, Bunny-bun! _Adios_!"

Apparently, Leah REALLY resented her new nickname. Anyhow, she chased me through the extensive gardens of the manor for all of 15 minutes before she finally gave up the chase and went back to the music room to sip tea and eat biscuits. I, in the meantime, feeling inexplicably hyper, climbed up on one of the statues I found in the gardens and, perched on its shoulders, fended off all protesting gardeners with a small twig which I had plucked off of a bush. I was having a jolly good time when a familiar tenor voice spoke from behind me.

"Enjoying ourselves, are we?"

"Immensely," I responded, before suddenly realizing who it was that had spoken. Giving an alarmed jerk, I became off-balance and fell off the statue. Fortunately, the same person who had startled me caught me in his arms, blue eyes twinkling as he set me back on my feet.

"Er…Sir Percy! Blakeney! Sir! Um. I can explain…no, wait…let me think…no, I can't. I really can't explain."

"What?" he asked.

"Why I was…um…sitting on top of that statue…poking gardeners with a stick…" I looked down at the ground. "I was bored," I said in a small voice.

"It appears to me like you have an excess of energy," the man said kindly. I looked up at him.

"Yes!! Yes, I do! I'm very very energetic right now sir!"

"In that case, I ought to find something for you to do…"

"Right ho! What'll it be then? Five laps around the manor? A heroic quest of chivalry? Scrubbing kitchen floors?" The enthusiasm in my voice drained away somewhat as I suggested the final task. He laughed.

"La, no! Actually, I was rather more thinking: would you like to come into town with me and meet the other members of the League?"

I perked up, recollecting that Sir Andrew Ffoulkes, one of my favorite characters, was among the League members. "Really? I can come? I can meet your spiffy cool friends?"

"Well, seeing as you can't be a member, it's the least I can do," he said good-humoredly.

"YAY! When are we leaving? Will it be soon? Will it be late? Do I have to pack anything? Must I bring lunch? Will the Prince be there? Will we sing songs and dance? Are we going to the theater? Will all the members be there, or are some of them away on missions of espionage in France?" I broke off when Sir Percy placed a hand on my head.

"Calm yourself, m'dear boy! We leave within five minutes. Meet me at my carriage out front."

"Yes sir!" I snapped off a salute. As soon as he was gone, I turned around.

"Right…which way leads to the front of the manor? Oh darn. Um. HARRISON!"

_You needn't shout. I'm right here._

"Oh. Well, which way leads to the front of the mansion?"

_You'll want to turn around first. And then you'll go the exact same way Sir Percy went._

"Oh! Really? Cool. ALRIGHT!" I whirled around and ran off, chanting in my excitement. "We're going to see Andrew Ffoulkes! We're going to see Andrew Ffoulkes! An-drew Ffoulkes! An-drew Ffoulkes! ThecoolestmemberoftheLeagueexceptingourownwonderfulawesomespiffycoolSirPercy! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

**A/N:** I was not hyper when I wrote this chapter…on the contrary, I was quite calm, and even a bit sleepy. If it seems kind of disconnected, it's because I was trying to bang this out before going to bed. Heh. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review! 


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